


The Gang is in a Sitcom

by InsanityRule



Series: It's Always Sunny Script Fics [10]
Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-21 12:16:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3691923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsanityRule/pseuds/InsanityRule
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a nice morning in the Sunny city of Philadelphia.<br/>But not everyone is having a nice day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Gang is in a Sitcom

[9:00 am.]  
[On a Friday.]  
[Philadelphia, PA.]  
[Catchy theme music.]  
Dennis: [Opens the bar, wearing a yellow striped polo shirt.] Hey-  
[Canned cheers. Dennis pauses and shakes his head.]

[The Gang is in a Sitcom.]  
[Truncated Theme Music.]

Dennis: You guys seen Mac?  
Charlie: [Yellow sweatervest. Sweeping up the far end while whistling.] No clue dude, maybe he’s at the gym?  
Dennis: No, he has a schedule and I’m pretty sure it coincides to what guys work out with no shirts on.  
[Canned laughter. Dennis grimaces.]  
Dee: What’s the matter with you today? [Yellow blouse. Canned bird chirping.]  
[Canned laughter.]  
[Dennis swats at his ear.]  
Dennis: Seriously… something weird is going on. Where the hell is Mac?  
Mac: HEYO.  
[Canned cheering and clapping.]  
Dennis: The hell-! None of you hear that!?  
Charlie: Are you okay dude?  
Dee: Yeah, is something the matter?  
Dennis: You don’t hear any cheering or laughing or-?  
Mac: C’mon dude, that’s just creepy. [Wearing a nice yellow shirt and mustard suit.] Maybe you need some help? We’re here for you bro.  
[Canned awww.]  
Dennis: Seriously!!?  
Charlie: Dennis you’re freaking me out.  
Dennis: Okay that’s it! [Record scratch.] Something is happening here and I want answers! There’s this weird music! And the clapping! And what the hell are we all wearing!?  
[Dee Charlie and Mac look freaked out.]  
Mac: Okay dude I hear it too it’s so freaky I don’t like it. [Shrugging in his suit.] I’m all itchy and uncomfortable dude and I don’t know what’s going on!  
Dee: And all the Goddamned tweeting! Jesus you assholes don’t need help!  
Charlie: Dude I don’t know where this shirt came from! And Frank’s being really…  
[Frank emerges, wearing a yellow suit. All smiles.]  
Frank: Hello everyone! Such a nice day out today.  
Dennis: God no. No! We gotta get out of here! They got Frank!  
[All four rush out of the bar. Wacky running music playing.]  
Dee: Dennis it’s following us!  
Dennis: To the car! [All scramble into the range rover.] Okay, we have to get out of here no- oh hell no.  
Frank: Children! Come back inside! We have a fun day ahead of us!  
Dennis: [Floors it.] We’ll see you in hell!

[Driving down the road.]  
Dennis: Okay, we’re safe for now. What the hell is going on?  
Charlie: I don’t know dude Frank’s all weird… dude where are we going?  
Dennis: Far away.  
Charlie: Dude we can’t leave Philly!  
Dennis: You’ll be fine. Just think… happy thoughts, or something.  
Charlie: Okay dude, okay. Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. [Eyes pop open, bright creepy smile.]  
Mac: Dennis?  
Dennis: What now?  
Charlie: It sure is a swell day, right gang? [Happy music starts up.]  
Dee: They got Charlie!  
Mac: Den we gotta toss him out!  
Dennis: [Screeches the car to a stop. They shove Charlie out.]  
[Charlie waves cheerily to them as they drive away.]  
Mac: Dennis this is bad.  
Dennis: We’re going to be fine, Mac. Dee, do something useful and navigate.  
Dee: Fine, dickhole. [Digs out a map from the glove box. Fake cartoon birds fly out.]  
[Canned laughter.]  
Mac: DENNIS SHE’S GOING TO DRAG US DOWN!  
Dennis: OUT! SHOVE HER OUT!  
Dee: Hey! Hands off bird brain!  
Mac: NO! OUT EVIL BIRD WOMAN! [Shoves Dee out of the car. She slapstick style rolls to a stop and fake birds tweet around her head.]  
Mac: It’s just you and me, Den.  
[Mac crawls up to the shotgun seat.]  
Dennis: It’s okay, Mac. We have each other. We’ll be fine as long as we stay away from Dee and Philly and-  
Mac: And we keep our “friendship” as it is.  
[Canned laughter.]  
Dennis: What?  
Mac: C’mon Dennis, we’re best friends. And who would want to change that?  
Dennis: Mac what the hell is wrong with you?  
Mac: Den, dude, I love you… like a brother.  
[Canned laughter.]  
Dennis: No. No no no Mac. Mac not you! No!  
[Mac is happily smiling at Dennis, who is crumpling.]  
Dennis: No!  
[Dennis is sitting up in bed, sweating.]  
Dennis: Oh thank God.

[End Theme.]

**Author's Note:**

> Happy 300 fics on AO3 for Sunny everyone.


End file.
